Reborn

Grasped by the power of her thoughts
She was overwhelmed at the magnitude
The magnitude of emotions that enveloped her
Cascading through her mind
Each memory, so clear
She couldn't seem to let go
Even to those memories which were not hers
There was a begging
It was as though in a distance
She could feel it's intensity
She could hear it
Softly at first, then louder
At a point, each word began to pinch her
The pinching turned to blows
She was knocked unconscious
But she felt the begging, constant
She could still hear it
It was coming from within her
She could not tell from where though
Whether it was her Heart or Mind
She felt a questioning in her Soul
She didn't like the feeling
She wanted to let go
To disappear
To be free and fly away.
It hurt her to be unconscious
So helpless
And it hurt to feel so much and not be able to release the pain
She wanted to grow
Out of herself, out of this unconscious identity
She had so much care within her
For so many people
She wanted to help
But didn't know how
That desire was so strong
Like an unquenchable thirst
She didn't know what to do
She hated helplessness
And hated herself for being so helpless
But she loved herself for caring so much
And wanting to help
She was torn
Within her own mind
Within her own body
It's like she understood so many things without knowing them first
She felt developed in many areas
But she felt sorely lacking in others
She hated this half - half quality
She wanted to be complete
She cared, and it moved her so much that it did
She couldn't stop the tears
But saw a goodness in that
And cried out her Soul's worth in tears
She felt the unfeelable pain
She drowned in the shallowness of that pain
The unknowable pain, the unseeable pain
The pain, she felt, was a crime to be aware of it
Just the knowledge of it hurt her
She felt guilty to know about it
Not knowing how she got to know about it
She hated feeling guilty
She knew that feeling guilty meant you did something wrong
She didn't want to feel that she's done something wrong
The pain...
The pain wont go away
She was wallowing in her negativities
And then her mind stops
Her Heart stops
Her Soul takes one more breath.
She steps out of herself
And she's reborn
She's not free yet
Just reborn
The pain is gone
It's washed clean
She feels new, but she's not
She knows so much but wants to learn more
The caring has increased
She doesn't know why, but it has
She feels more deeply than before
She can see things for what they are
She can see the Truth
There are so many things she knows
But she feels incomplete
She needs to find the water
The ocean full of things she wants to know
The Answers.
The place where she can validate the Truth she knows
Where there are guarantees
Where she's not afraid
Where she can care and love
She needs to find that place
To be One with herself and something Higher.

[Written: 12:40am, 1st May 2007]