Like She Always Does

Each dream was untouched
Like she couldnt bear to know what they contained
But they were hers
And at some point she would face them
Not today.
For the most part, she felt dreams were good
But lately something just flipped that switch
And they just seem like shadows
At times she wants to give in
And just let the strong current of these dreams
Just take over
And let herself be swept away
Unconscious...
But she's got enough sense to not let that happen
She just gets tempted sometimes...

She's moving along
Just as she always was
But now, its different
She's not as carefree as she used to be
Things weigh her down
And she tries her best to deal with them
And solve the ones that have a solution
But what she tries hardest for is
To not give up control
That she's in charge of her decisions
And these problems can make times hard
But they will never rule over her

Its confusing for her
Many a time
What to do
Or say
Or think
Or feel...
It's challenging sometimes
And she gets scared
And feels vulnerable
She shakes within
But she goes on
Like she always does
Coz that's what she can do

She's got no one to depend on when she needs it
And she might fall a few times
And the tears fly
And she sinks
But she never lets herself go so deep
That she cant see the light anymore
Its hard
No one really bothers to understand what it feels like
And she's left to make sense of it all
From the ashes
And she does get lost
Coz she hasnt got that voice telling her
That it's gonna work out
That she's gonna make it through
But she always does
And she goes on
Like she always does

Unkissed
Unconsidered
She wanders
Living from moment to moment
Synchronising herself with the tide
Making calculated guesses
Basically trying
To be what is expected of her
If only people would be more understanding
She's not a bad person
She's just trying to be who they want her to be
All she really wants is to be herself...
Let go of all the pretending
And adjusting
And compromise
And like things without guilt
Do things coz they make her happy
Paint, dance, sing, climb a mountain
Even if she doesnt know how
At least she'll be real
And she'll have a smile
And she'll reach some kind of Peace...

All she ever really wanted was acceptance
That's why there was all the acting
And the extra
Just an attempt to fit in
Sometimes she gets it
Sometimes not
But she cant stop just because of that
She goes on
Like she always does
Hoping
That someone along the way would see
What the others have missed
And if not completely
At least make an attempt to understand her
And allow her to show herself
In her skin
And that for once
She can move ahead
Instead of just going on...

The good thing is
She will never give up
To her, no matter how bad things will get
There will always be a way out
She knows
That she may feel trapped
But it's an illusion
And she'll make it out of there
Safe
It will be hard
There will be challenges
And rejection
And misunderstandings
And confusion
And weak moments
And she might get mixed in at times
But she's got her self
Her inner her
And even though there's no voice helping her out
She'll never crumble
Because somewhere
She knows
For a fact
That she can go the distance
That she'll make it
And all these hurdles will be gone...
She can do it
Like she always does.

Why...

Both of them felt it
Like they were very deeply connected
Its as if his heart pumped the blood in hers with every beat.
She knew he cared
He knew she cared
But they never connected on a conscious level

She was mesmerised by him
His very Soul seemed to shine through
He was aware that she saw it
But he couldnt do anything about it
And it made him feel insecure
Because nobody had ever noticed it before
He thought it wasnt that significant
But she saw it
And she thought it was beautiful.
Golden, she thought the color to be.
Sparkling golden.
Like sunshine
In the air
It held the colors of the rainbow within it
It left her breathless for a moment
Entranced...

She wondered if he had noticed her
Most of the time she felt insignificant
But if he looked at her
And if he smiled
Just the acknowledgement felt special
She felt special.
She felt loved in a very odd way
Like she knew it, but didnt understand it
At least, not in her heart or mind.
Her Soul knew why she felt that way
But wouldnt let her know
She just felt it was playing tricks on her
Because she didnt know why she was connected to him
Why she felt a connection but didnt know of it
Why she felt it, but couldnt feel it at the same time...
She wished someone would tell her
Or that she could find out why...

She cared for him
Just as he cared for her
In a way neither of them could comprehend
And that scared her slightly
She's also scared that he knows it
Still, she derives comfort that he knows it

What they share is special
Something so beautiful, she wondered
How either of them lived without it for as long as they did
But it's entirety will always remain a mystery
And perhaps in Time, understanding will develop
But until then, they shall continue
With the glances
And the smiles
And all the hidden meanings
And their individual interpretations of such...

She never really chose him
And he never really chose her
Yet they touched each either
On a level only they could access
She feels special
She feels grateful
It happened
But she doesnt know why...

[Written: 12:55 am, 1st May 2007]

Compass

Your Soul's Compass
Is your Heart.

There are countless paths
And each path follows another
Or merges
And diverges
And twirls and circles around
Or angles out and changes.
It is always confusing
But your Heart knows what's right
And leads you on
Because within this instrument
All directions are one
And with the Soul's Wisdom
All is conquered.

The last thing to ever feel, is lost
Because just like you are never truly alone
You are never truly lost.
Each direction is a path
And you can only see the first few steps in front of you
Not the end.
Not in the beginning, anyway.

Each path is to be travelled
And right now, there's no knowing what's in store.
But there's no need to worry
Or to be afraid
Because there is no wrong choice.
No matter what path you chose
There will be good times
And there will the be the not-so-good.
It solely depends on you
What you make of each moment on that path.

Sometimes you feel lost even though you've chosen a path
But your Compass is truly your guide.
It will show you your strength
When you need to go on.
It will call upon Love
When you feel all alone.
It will summon Hope
When you look around and see nothing.
It will show you the Light
And you will know what is important.
Ultimately, that's all you'll ever need.

In each challenge lies the seed of opportunity.
In each opportunity lies the potential of the World.
Tap into that Energy
Trust in your Heart
Follow your Compass
And that's when the answer shall come
And "lost" will bear no meaning to you anymore.