Drifting In A Variable Universe

Blending into the walls
She seems to penetrate the realm
Between visibility and existence
Matching the wallpaper of the situation
Merging into its design.

Swept away by her chameleon feelings
She whimpered many a night
Distant from herself
Craving to fuse with an entity
Any entity
In the plain hope that she may feel solid again.

Dreams intertwine with each other
And with what appears to be fact
Crossing over the dimensions of the unconscious
Well beyond
Creating a novel fusion of realities
Proving the act of its deciphering
A devouring task
Flanked between what she feels and what she thinks she sees.

She is drifting in a variable universe
Uprooted from all that she knew to be authentic
Coasting along
Aware
Yet lost
Amidst the sincere uncertainty
Not knowing when this vision she's participating in
Will choose to mold itself again
Casting her into another unknown field of dreamlike wilderness.

Floating away into an abyss of change
Her life now resembles an ever sustaining pirouette
A coin tossing in the air
And her futile attempts to study it in motion
To gauge its result
Assuming, of course, that it does land
At some point.

She may gravitate towards the black holes of doubt
Those deceiving, all consuming black holes
But except for their magnetism
The hold not strength
And only display a facade of an ability to vanquish.
She must be wary, however
For they filter through the layers of the universe
Changing their spots
Their loyalties
And each next endeavour to hoodwink her
Could become her undoing.

She's fallen for many a fickle heart
Blinded by her own inexperience
Hoping the next would be different
And that she would feel at least an ounce of love
Exhausted, she resigns to the vacuum
Lingering
Desiring desperately to approach any sign of sanity
Drifting
Shifting..

She wishes to be exempted from the unpredictability
Of this wavering universe and its alternates
She's become a soluble ingredient
In its churning and swallowing
But still sees no finished product being fashioned.

Her search for a stable shoulder to lean on
Is as spread out as this universe
And it is hard to wrap her head around the concept of seamless transformation
Let alone get used to the idea.

She has nothing to clutch on to
But for her undying faith
That whatever circumstances stalk her
No matter how blatant
She will find an escape -
An ultimate redemption.

Like She Always Does

Each dream was untouched
Like she couldnt bear to know what they contained
But they were hers
And at some point she would face them
Not today.
For the most part, she felt dreams were good
But lately something just flipped that switch
And they just seem like shadows
At times she wants to give in
And just let the strong current of these dreams
Just take over
And let herself be swept away
Unconscious...
But she's got enough sense to not let that happen
She just gets tempted sometimes...

She's moving along
Just as she always was
But now, its different
She's not as carefree as she used to be
Things weigh her down
And she tries her best to deal with them
And solve the ones that have a solution
But what she tries hardest for is
To not give up control
That she's in charge of her decisions
And these problems can make times hard
But they will never rule over her

Its confusing for her
Many a time
What to do
Or say
Or think
Or feel...
It's challenging sometimes
And she gets scared
And feels vulnerable
She shakes within
But she goes on
Like she always does
Coz that's what she can do

She's got no one to depend on when she needs it
And she might fall a few times
And the tears fly
And she sinks
But she never lets herself go so deep
That she cant see the light anymore
Its hard
No one really bothers to understand what it feels like
And she's left to make sense of it all
From the ashes
And she does get lost
Coz she hasnt got that voice telling her
That it's gonna work out
That she's gonna make it through
But she always does
And she goes on
Like she always does

Unkissed
Unconsidered
She wanders
Living from moment to moment
Synchronising herself with the tide
Making calculated guesses
Basically trying
To be what is expected of her
If only people would be more understanding
She's not a bad person
She's just trying to be who they want her to be
All she really wants is to be herself...
Let go of all the pretending
And adjusting
And compromise
And like things without guilt
Do things coz they make her happy
Paint, dance, sing, climb a mountain
Even if she doesnt know how
At least she'll be real
And she'll have a smile
And she'll reach some kind of Peace...

All she ever really wanted was acceptance
That's why there was all the acting
And the extra
Just an attempt to fit in
Sometimes she gets it
Sometimes not
But she cant stop just because of that
She goes on
Like she always does
Hoping
That someone along the way would see
What the others have missed
And if not completely
At least make an attempt to understand her
And allow her to show herself
In her skin
And that for once
She can move ahead
Instead of just going on...

The good thing is
She will never give up
To her, no matter how bad things will get
There will always be a way out
She knows
That she may feel trapped
But it's an illusion
And she'll make it out of there
Safe
It will be hard
There will be challenges
And rejection
And misunderstandings
And confusion
And weak moments
And she might get mixed in at times
But she's got her self
Her inner her
And even though there's no voice helping her out
She'll never crumble
Because somewhere
She knows
For a fact
That she can go the distance
That she'll make it
And all these hurdles will be gone...
She can do it
Like she always does.